lasting impression

Friend 1:
Been together for around 2yrs.
Lived together for less than a year in a foreign country
Planned to get married end of this year.
I was actually helping them in their wedding preparation.
Declaration: madami na kaming pinag-daanan. wala nang makakapaghiwalay sa min.

Friend 2:
Been together for almost 3yrs.
Been living together for more than a year.
Both ditched their gf's of so many years (4yrs +) to pursue this newfound love.
Declaration: can't imagine my life being more perfect

Friend 3:
Been together for 7yrs.
Braved their religious family's wrath to fight for their love
Went to the same school.
Worked in the same industry
Took the same post-grad course.
Declaration: up to infinity and beyond!


Friends 1, 2 and 3 are now single. The shocking announcements happened this year, around one month apart.

It's a time for mourning.

It shattered others' strongly held hope of an ever after the same manner my friends' hearts were pulverized into smithereens. It's like becoming a widow, severed from one's ideals. Friends 1, 2 and 3 are in dark anguish of the sudden, painful twist of fate.

I'm nearing 3 yrs with my gf. And I'm inwardly apprehensive of this seeming foreboding.
I, who have been cynically spitting to my friends that I don’t believe in happy endings. That I live my relationship one day at a time.

The truth is, theories aside, that's a scared womyn daring the universe to prove her wrong. But as fate may have it, these recent turn of events in my social circle is challenging me instead to prove my self wrong. The universe simply won't spoon-feed realizations to a lazy (pretending) theorist. :D It's part of the learning, the experiencing.

Doesn't anything last anymore?
Seeing friends who's been in years of togetherness kinda gives me that glimmer of hope.
Maybe something lasts after all.
Then they break-up.
And I'm emphatically broken as well, including that small spark inside me called hope.

I am in my longest relationship to date (2mos being the shortest).
Maybe this is for keeps.

There are numerous uncertainties in life.
If I consider them all, yeah, most probably, we won't last like the others.
But there is one certainty I know.

I love her.

Beyond fats and flabs,
wrinkles and white hairs,
financial unpredictability,
allergy attacks,
senility,
and all other imperfections.

If I get to know more that will put that love in question, then it's time to pray to the universe.
Until such time, I'll sweat it out to make us last for as long as I humanly can.

(s)wallow

If there is one thing I love doing, it's reading. Uhm, and writing too. And watching films. And photography. Okay so that makes it 4 things I love doing. :)

I just finished reading Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke. Must read friends. :)

This is something you digest on an open mind. Chew with slowness so you get to absorb its meaning lest getting lost and lose interest in the process.

I never imagined Maria for a guy. He's actually an advocate for solitude. Beat that.
While the majority makes a crisis over being single, he prescribes it as medicine for the soul.

This is no chicken soup for the soul where you're given feel good stories . This is a strong medicine laced with bitter truth and potent insights. It's like the blue - red pill offered by Morpheus to Neo.
The choice is entirely yours.

I am giving it as a gift to a grieving friend. When you're broken (hearted, ego, whathaveyou), sometimes all it takes is a paradigm shift to knock some sense into a stubborn-jaded head. And yeah best taken with the universal panacea to anything broken, booze. It’s a bitter-sweet life.

i was

I think this cartoon is very funny and thought provoking.
Only apt, because it's rodin the thinking man right? :D

and it is with great irony that i tell you this.
the man who thought of this creative cartoon is now an "i was" :(

Pulitzer Prize-Winning Cartoonist Doug Marlette Dies at 57

-http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/remember/july-dec07/marlette_07-10.html

i'm itching to write something as witty for my O2.

sense of balance

life is never fair, even if you try to be one.
my phone of 2yrs, number of 6yrs got stolen  from my bag.
you'd think after living for many yrs in this metro jungle, that i've acquired the necessary street smart skills to survive manila.

i used to be a smart subscriber. but now i'm smarter, im globe! :D
time for some changes.
it's now a postpaid line.
i used to hate the monthly obligationn of paying bills.
i didnt like the idea of spending more than i'm able.
call me prudent :D
so having a postpaid plan gives me that temptation to go overboard and a monthly heart attack after i get my bill. hehe.
i haven't seen my bill yet w/c is due end of month.
and i am not monitoring my calls and sms.
so there. welcome to the free world. free now, pay later.

what i'd really like to say is i have a new mobile number : xxxx-xxxg2g.

so while it sucked big time that i've lost my most expensive possession (O2 mini) and my second most expensive (recent acquisition) all in the first half of the year,
i have to see the justice in it all to maintain my sanity.

true, i lost my first ever guess eye glasses with transition lens.
but my frequent headaches due to astigmatism has narrowed down to occasional right-half-head pain that can easily be cured by advil.

i may have lost my sim of 6yrs and pda of 2yrs, but i now have an uber cool number courtesy of globe ;)
plus, an ofcmate is selling his O2 mini (of 2yrs also), for 10k.
i can sell my 3g phone now and buy myself a pda. yahoo! :)
i thought i'd be buying a new phone december or when iphone is finally available in the third world. but patience has never been one of my virtues.

life is still sweet and just after all.

-----------------------------------------
License to Err

kadramahan

this is gonna be melodramatic so be warned!

i've been wandering. and i have been lost.
i got distracted by the seemingly important things in life like maintaining my office slave position (it's a rat race i tell you. you don't know how many aims for the slave stature), trying (and still failing) in becoming a responsible, independent adult (read: domesticated. as in house chores man!).

to successfully do that, i had to (or should i say, i chose to. that hurt! :( )give up some hobbies, like photography, writing and even reading books i like! (that are ofcourse nonwork-related). yeah, yeah. i practically sold my soul.

how do you buy back your soul?

can my hard-earned wage be enough?
**it's friday da sahod day today**

i settled for voyeurism.

but i realized there is no satisfaction much more happiness in that.

it's like watching but not really looking.

i've been too ashamed and yeah, complacent to go back and retrace my steps to you.

and so, it is with ache that i look at you now.
with distant familiarity. like i'm not worthy of your company.
that if i dare look you straight with my eyes, i'd see the piercing hatred and painful abandonment.
and that is why i have probably been avoiding to even scan on you.

it is with longing that i'd like to get to know you again.
to share my recent past, my pain and my soulless self.
i admit this is a cheap shot at making you understand why i left you.
but i pray that with that understanding will come forgiveness.

-- my open letter to firewomyn (my blog, my alter-ego) --


proof that i am trying to go back to my ways:
last pic i've taken:

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